My seasonal depression didn’t hit me like it usually does. That’s a plus. I have a semi solid foundation. That’s a plus. Im more secure in my authentic self than I’ve ever been in my life! That’s a plus. I feel like I’m aligning with my life’s purpose frfr so…. Why do I feel so lost?
On the day that the sun has finally emerged from the snow that buried us for months… As I finally get to hear the birds chirping I feel like shit! I even called off work… told a crazy lie and all but for some reason I just couldn’t do it today!!! I took a much needed nature walk.. with no headphones so yk ya girl was really tryna tap in lol. I feel like im spiritually thawing out so naturally there’s some new realizations that can cause discomfort.
In October 2024 I got my first 9-5 after 10 years of being self employed.. And it’s so bittersweet. I’m proud of myself for hustling and doing what I need to do to sustain my life because I was literally just homeless (that’s a whole nother blog!) but I’m also annoyed that after all that I’ve accomplished in my life that I’ve somehow made it back here.. clocking in and out.. smiling and waving…
now don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with working a job but babe hear me out I was literally uhh kinda living my dream! In LA working with all the top brands, getting flown around the world to get dolled up and paid.. it’s not like that’s over I’m just goin through sort of a shift rn but for now I’m forced to smile and be friendly to spoiled consumers with their attitudes and entitlement.
Although I may not love it… I truly feel like I’m being prepared for the next phase of my journey.. I’m being tested and prepped for something I just feel it, whatever that may be. I was reading some of ehimeoras posts and ironically as I’m writing this she says
“March is meant to make you strong because the next chapter will take a lot out of you, this month is where the kingdom preps the land by removing large obstacles like trees.. this month is for endurance, how bad do your want you new beginning?”
That resonated so deeply, it felt right on time. And there’s also two eclipses with Venus AND mercury stationing. So it is a little comforting knowing that my feelings are right on theme with what’s goin on astrologically BUT DANG can a girl feel some sense of direction? From the outside looking in people always respond with “oh you’re doing amazing” “you do so much” “you should be proud” and while I appreciate and totally acknowledge that, I also have to honor the fact that I know in my heart I’m meant to do sooo much more, I desire to do more. I feel like I’ve only just scratched the surface. Which is also very comforting to know I haven’t reached my ceiling and when I do ima bust through that too!!!
All and all our emotions are signals and I’m super grateful god allows me to be self aware. Our emotions let us know that we’re alive that there are things that we crave and if we allow it they push us to the depths that we need to see ourselves truly and honestly.
Without feeling like crap I wouldn’t have been inspired to turn to my public safe space so I’m truly grateful for it all because I know it’s not forever, it’s a signal. I’m not gonna make any commitments right now but I definitely want to chat here more often.
If you’re feeling weird like me DROP A COMMENT! & just ride the wave because another one is coming shortly 🫶🏾 until next time
Shoutout God and my ancestors for leading guiding and protecting me
- One love,
Destiny
🫂🩷🌱One day at a time!’